Tuesday, August 16, 2005


i've come to realize that my life is full of regrets. not a day goes by that i don't look back on it and criticize the decisions made or not made, regretting things done or not done or the ways things were done. there are many things i've done in my life that i must regret, the relationships i dissolved for one reason or another, the relationships that i didn't let happen and the ones that i didn't get a chance to experience. i regret not being beatiful, smarter and more dedicated, not having a better job to provide all of the opportunities for the kids, not giving them a father to raise them, not being or not knowing the best that i can be - should've joined the army? hehehe... that's another thing, i'm always willing to follow a cause for a while but there really isn't anything i'm passionate about and that's another regret. everything is open ended, nothing is constant, i fall in love and fall out of love, i smoke and drink and then then i don't, sometimes i'm proud of myself, i feel like i'm on top of the world, i have everything but then i look down and it's a whirlpool i'm in. a whirlpool which gains momentum as it spins in the confined space of the reality of my life sucking in all those who depend on me. i wonder if it's because there's been so much death around me lately, i want to learn how to live without regrets. i don't want to pursue goals that are unaatinable but then i don't want to settle for other things.

"....I've conquered my past The future is here at last I stand at the entrance To a new world I can see The ruins to the right of me Will soon have lost sight of me ...." U2 - Love Rescue Me


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