Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Be kinder than necessary

because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Lori's fight against cancer ended on February 5th - she fought fiercely with dignity and grace for almost 6 years. I feel so lucky to have met her and to have the honour of being in her "corner" during this long struggle. Lori - you will be missed but never forgotten.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

my heart is broken

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Happy Birthday Dylan

My first born, my only male child turned 18 today. Eighteen years ago at 6:19 am Dylan took his first breath, his first step towards independence and I took my first step of the motherhood expedition. He's taken many steps since then and will take many more and I hope I will still be allowed to watch on the sidelines. We've had some rough times lately but I am still allowed to love him and hug him occasionally. Of course I am, and will probably always be, permitted to do his laundry, give him and his friends drives all over the place, make his meals and of course give him back rubs :-)
I guess in the big scheme of things I am lucky to be able to do all those things...he sleeps at home instead of under the railway bridge...he also makes us laugh, occasionally walks his dog and helps his sister with her homework.
I love my son - Happy Birthday Dylan!!!!

Monday, October 30, 2006

When a child dies

A child died last week, I didn't really know her that well but she's a friend's daughter and my daughter's classmate. After a long courageous battle with Leukemia she died last Thursday. I still think that it's just a bad dream, that she isn't really gone...No parent should ever suffer a loss like that, no sibling should have to face loosing a sister and a best friend. I know, it happens every day but this really hurts, it hurts so much more because it happens every day and it takes all that I have in me to stop the tears from flowing.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Full moon, turkey weekend and Saturday from hell

So...I had to have the car fixed on Friday - $600.00 later, I drove it for maybe 20Km, parked it at home overnight tried to go to the store on Saturday morning but the car refused to stay in gear - it was crazy. I checked the fluid levels and it turns out there was not a drop of transmission fluid left. Oh well, it's Thanksgiving weekend, I don't need a car?!Later that day I decided to paint the doorway because it had been repaired ages ago and still unpainted. Julia was playing with her friend Julia so I got really motivated and decided to touch up the baseboards all the way up the stairs. Did a good job too except on the way back down I dropped the open can of paint on the carpeted stairs and landing. I normally swear like a sailor but this time I only managed "Oh for God's sake!".....3 hours later the paint got all sucked up by the shop vac (thank goodness I inherited one) I got myself cleaned up, got the girls off to be and settled in front of the TV to eat a well deserver bowl of salt and vinegar chips. Not 5 minutes later Julia's friend comes down not feeling well, she looked pale and clammy and was really unwell. She said she had a headache and asked for a pain pill, she didn't want to go home so I took her back up to bed. When we got to the top of the stairs, we were just about to around the dog to Julia's room when she doubled over and hurled the contents of her stomach all over the dog. Poor Jack got up, shook it off and walked off indignantly into my room and lied down on my bed!!!!!!I got him off the covers, removed the duvet cover, wiped the dog. Helped the poor kid clean up and got her settled down in bed. An hour later, the shop vac full again (this time barfy water) I febreezed the dog and went straight for the shower. Did I mention I just quit smoking ???? So - if you ever think you're having a bad day.....By the way, still not smoking :-)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

regrets

i've come to realize that my life is full of regrets. not a day goes by that i don't look back on it and criticize the decisions made or not made, regretting things done or not done or the ways things were done. there are many things i've done in my life that i must regret, the relationships i dissolved for one reason or another, the relationships that i didn't let happen and the ones that i didn't get a chance to experience. i regret not being beatiful, smarter and more dedicated, not having a better job to provide all of the opportunities for the kids, not giving them a father to raise them, not being or not knowing the best that i can be - should've joined the army? hehehe... that's another thing, i'm always willing to follow a cause for a while but there really isn't anything i'm passionate about and that's another regret. everything is open ended, nothing is constant, i fall in love and fall out of love, i smoke and drink and then then i don't, sometimes i'm proud of myself, i feel like i'm on top of the world, i have everything but then i look down and it's a whirlpool i'm in. a whirlpool which gains momentum as it spins in the confined space of the reality of my life sucking in all those who depend on me. i wonder if it's because there's been so much death around me lately, i want to learn how to live without regrets. i don't want to pursue goals that are unaatinable but then i don't want to settle for other things.

"....I've conquered my past The future is here at last I stand at the entrance To a new world I can see The ruins to the right of me Will soon have lost sight of me ...." U2 - Love Rescue Me

Saturday, August 13, 2005

will

where there's a will, there's a way, I am the Will, I am the Way